"Real Housewives Of FINKLE" (RACISM DETECTOR)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Did you hear that Starbucks is facing protest over racial profiling? Somebody accused me of that once on LOVE BOAT. It was one time a woman told me about the Racism Detector all minorities have when we say something inappropriate.



"I got you! I knew I'd catch one of you people trying to come on the boat illegally. Get out of there, Maria."



"Take this guitar and play some songs for the paying customers, Maria. Earn your keep."



"And when you're done with that guitar, I'm going to come back in here and use all the Spanish words I learned from high school. You understand me, Maria?" 



It wasn't until after the show was over, she told me her name was Charo...I felt so bad, I didn't even noticed when she took out a knife and stabbed me a couple of times and took my wallet.

"Real Housewives Of FINKLE" (WALTER CRONKITE)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Hello, Mr. Cronkite. I love the story you did on television propaganda destroying the cruise ship industry. I never liked GILLIGAN'S ISLAND as much as everyone else did.



Did you know LOVE BOAT saved the cruise ship industry?



Wait, wait, don't listen to him. We all know the cruise ship industry is a bunch of criminals. Carnival Cruises will leave you out in the middle of the sea with no toilets or food. You deserve your Emmy award for telling the public to avoid them at all cost.



We really love how you told everyone Gilligan's Island was something that will happen to you if you take a THREE HOUR tour. You're a genius, Mr. Cronkite.



If a millionaire and a movie star got on a boat at the same time, I'd be concerned. Why didn't the millionaire just BUY his own yacht? Why didn't the movie star hire the skipper to cruise all by herself?..The LOVE BOAT was always safe no matter where it went.



Don't listen to that man. He's just a writer. He doesn't know the satisfying feeling of how it is to destroy an industry for an award. Now...what can we do about Women's Basketball?

'Real Housewives Of FINKLE" (FANTASY ISLAND PARADOX)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


I don't get it...How does FANTASY ISLAND work? Is Mr. Roarke a witch or a time traveler?


"Smiles everyone! Smiles!"



I think he's an angel. And the island is purgatory.


"Smiles everyone! Smiles!"



But, if the island is purgatory, and Roarke is an angel, that means all those people on the island are dead.


"Smiles!"



But they can't be dead. They say on the show they're going back home. Maybe, he puts them in an alternate dimensional time?


"Smiles!"



Why does he want the employees to smile? Aren't the employees dead? How does that work if Roarke is an angel? Are they angels, too? How does he pay them if they aren't dead?


"Ha Ha Ha, you will NEVER figure it out, humans!"

"Real Housewives Of FINKLE " (TOKEN MAN)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Do you mind if I ask you a favor? Can I hand you a script for my blog show, so you can be in it?



"Hmm, it's called Real Housewives Of Finkle and you want ME to be a nameless male character."



So see, what we need is a token man to be in our blog show. And you'd be perfect for the role. You're fat, you're old, you're bald, and you're not threatening to other men. What do you think?



I...I...think you could make the jokes work. Don't get mad at me.



"I'm not mad. But if any of my Army buddies saw me doing a blog called Real Housewives, they'ed think I'm gonna wear a dress. YOU DON'T WANT ME TO WEAR A DRESS, DO YOU?" 



...and that's how I knew he didn't read page 3.

"Real Housewives Of Finkle" (INTRODUCTION)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


"I've been thinking, it's a good thing if we start changing the name of the show to Real Housewives Of Finkle. Do you remember the note you read this morning?"



My God...the numbers for our new blog show just came in. People hate our show.



How much do they hate it?



The Finkle Writer's Room received a 12 the day before, then when we did our blog show, it only received a 9.



Oh no....maybe they don't HATE us. Maybe all we need to do is change the name of the show from what your husband created, into something all your own, maybe? 



I wish I could, but this note came from my husband. And he wrote on the bottom, PS: Ha Ha Ha

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (KHLOE & TRISTAN SCANDAL)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Welcome to the first Finkle blog show written entirely by me and my all female co-writers. I hope you like it. And now ON with our show!



Is anyone home?



"We're in here, Phyllis! Is that what you're going to wear for the our new blog show? Aren't we talking about Khloe Kardashian today?"



Hi Phyllis. On my new show, I was thinking I'd do something about Khloe Kardashian and Tristan after he cheated on her with a stripper. What do you think?



I thought Khloe Kardashian WAS a stripper?



I'm so happy you two are helping me out with my new series on this new blog series. Otherwise, we'd be talking about something stupid and gossipy.


...and I'm being sarcastic. You can't call Khloe Kardashian a stripper.

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (THE TRADE WAR)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


"TRADE WAR BEARS! GET YOUR TRADE WAR BEARS HERE!"


Trade war Bears? How did I mixed up in all of this?



Why don't you make up a Conspiracy about how a Trade War would ruin how people won't come to the camp and bring those picnic baskets anymore? We haven't done a blog by ourselves in awhile, you know?



I think your show needs more female representation. It's starting to look like some bad writer has a problem with writing for women.


Ok...Let me break in and answer your questions now. 
Yes, I'm not that good of a writer and YES, I'm having an argument with my wife. So this whole week, she's going to be doing her own series. 
Thanks for being a member of the Finkle Writer's Room readership...we appreciate it very much.

"Finkle Films" (A QUIET PLACE)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Shhh, be very quiet. Tonight we're going to review the movie A QUIET PLACE.


It's about a family who lives in the country who must stay alive. And the only way to do it is to not make a sound...NO SOUND at all.


Any sound they make will summon the creature to come out and kill them. So, they walk on sand that they put on the ground to silence their footsteps.



Now, the thing to remember is to NOT ask any questions to yourself. You know, like when you watched CLOVERFIELD. And this movie is a lot like Cloverfield, but in the countryside.



Just remember to not question the waterfall, you see.



The movie tells you the waterfall is noisey, but the Cloverfield monster can't hear you talk if you're next to it...



But, if the creature can hear everything, that means it always hears the roar of the waterfall loader then it hears anything else. That means...this very movie, no matter how good it was to watch...doesn't make sense.



Shhh...don't tell anybody. But, this movie didn't STINK.

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (CARAVAN

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Ladies and gentlemen, being married is the most complicated job the military doesn't train us for. I still remember when I met my wife. I was in the National Guard looking for a CARAVAN, when I bought a sandwich from a pretty girl.



Oh, these people don't want to hear about us.


They came here to read jokes without us hitting them on the head politics.



You're right, honey. I was just going to tell them that when I was in the National Guard looking for a CARAVAN, I was sitting around doing nothing all day. And that's how we met each other.


Love is the most wonderful thing in the world! Even if it comes from hate of Brown people from Mexico based on a conspiracy theory from talk radio...it's LOVE.



"Is this a real story dad, or just some story you came up with at the last minute?"

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (NASIM NAJAFI AGHDAM)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


"You want to do a public service announcement on the dangers of YOUTUBE? How are we going to fit that in with our week-of-Sinclair stories?"



We can do it if we use a old character who everyone loves. And I've got an old one on the phone. Hello!


Yeah...what is it?



Can you do a blog show for us to talk about Nasim Najafi Aghdam and the YouTube shooting?


A shooting? Golly gee...I can't be on a show talking about murder. I've gotta run a movie studio with superheroes now. I can't waste my time with mentally disturbed people.



You mean YouTube watchers?


No, I mean Comedy writers. You people need to seek professional help! Nobody wants to read your stupid ramblings!...Good day, sir.

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (ROSEANNE)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Isn't there anything else on television besides Sinclair Media? What happened to the old days of entertainment?



"ROSEANNE is a great show. She speaks for the common man."


"You must all watch ROSEANNE. She is very FUNNY...she is very FUNNY. You must watch ROSEANNE. She is very FUNNY. 



"I love ROSEANNE. She is very FUNNY."



Do you want to watch Roseanne on tv? I hear she's very funny...but she's not. She's really NOT.

Inside the FINKLE Writer's Room (SINCLAIR MEDIA INVASION)

*Warning: PIRATE RADIO is on the air*


Good Evening. We at Sinclair Media would like you to not watch a certain YouTube video showing your local newscasters saying the words we wrote for them to read.



There is NO conspiracy. There is NO invasion. These are all FAKE NEWS stories.



Everything is the same as it always was. Stay in your homes.


Enjoy your cellphones. Enjoy your video games. Stay in your homes.



Sinclair Media is NOT the villain. Everything is normal.



"Is this your idea for a new show? I don't get it...who's going to believe there's an alien invasion?"